I realized something as I looked at my one-breasted torso in the mirror the other day. I recorded a video for you (without clothes on)…but you should probably read the full blog post before watching…
Here’s what I realized: I am no longer attractive. And I truly believe that the most unappealing and unattractive aspects of our lives as autism moms are exactly what bring recovery for our children and healing for us.
Never has my life been uglier than when my son was screaming in supermarkets, taking his clothes off in public, peeing from balconies in Malls, and hitting me (in his darkest phase of autism).
Yet – these ugly extremes were precisely what I needed to reach the point of no return. It was like: “either you change everything and get your life together, or you and this child will die.” So I did. And four years later, he no longer had autism symptoms.
Vanity was the last vice I let go of. in 2021 I’d removed my breast implants, stopped colouring my hair, and ended the battle with biology. Initially, I’d worried that my breasts would look deflated after explanting.
When they had to remove my breast because of implant-induced breast cancer it wasn’t just my left breast that went into the trash. I went home from Hospital and left with everything that’s important:
My life.
My family.
My faith
My purpose.
My old self was dead and I was a new person. The one-boobed version of me does not want to seduce, get validation or attention from people or spend time on anything but the above. I had precancerous cells in my breast and I needed to let that go in order to stay healthy and safe and be here for my children (and other autism moms) in the future.
I’ve never met an autism mom who recovered her child without going through very ugly experiences in order to wake up and change. I call that “the dark phase of autism.”
I’ve never met an autism mom who recovered her child without making huge sacrifices and letting go of things.
I’ve never met an autism mom who didn’t have to let her old self & life die in order to turn her child’s symptoms around.
Here’s a crazy fact: Vanity prevents autism recovery.
Vanity is so much more than perky boobs, bleached hair, and fake nails.
Vanity and pride make us stay in jobs that keep us in a city or in business that exacerbates autism symptoms.
Vanity and pride make us buy gluten and serve tantrum-triggering foods because we’re afraid of offending people, being different, or forcing our children to stick out.
Vanity and pride make us listen to and follow experts, and other moms’ advice and mainstream in order to fit in.