And how to never experience summer stress again.
Only moms with hyperactive, eloping autistic children should be allowed to say: “Sometimes you need a holiday after having been on holiday with your family”.
I remember the stress and the shock that followed as if it was yesterday.
Greece. 2003.
Me. My (then) husband. Our newborn son, our autistic (undiagnosed) child, and a lot of denial.
Those were the ingredients for a July that became a nightmare that ended with my suicidal thoughts and a massive wake-up call 14 months later.
We flew in from Denmark, and on the outside, we looked like the average family. Chubby, unhealthy, over-eating and overly excited for our first family trip abroad. Little did we know how bad it was going to get.
Day 1: They called him “Catastrophe”.
Bertram buying candy.
We were surviving. Not living. We still thought the stress we were feeling was all because of our newborn baby. We had not yet faced how different his 3-year-old brother had started to behave. The man who handed over candy, ice cream and junk food to our hyperactive child quickly named him: “CATASTROPHE” (for fun.) He was all over the place, our son. Screaming, tantrums, eloping…
Day 3 & 4: No sleep. No peace.
This holiday was the point of no return for us. We didn’t speak about it, but the situation was getting out of hand. The baby was crying, but his big brother kept us up at night.
We never slept for more than a couple of hours. We didn’t know then that his diet, lifestyle, and biotype were completely imbalanced and causing these issues.
Day 5: Always screaming or “gone”
We went to restaurants at night, and it was so stressful that I couldn’t speak. Our oldest son was screaming all the time when we ordered food. When we were waiting for food, while he was eating, he wasn’t screaming only when he’d consumed his pizza, fries, and coca cola. The “dopey” look on his face and the moments of peace were caused by an opioid reaction to gluten and dairy. I just didn’t know…And it got worse and worse each day.
Day 6: The swimming pool.
We went to restaurants at night, and it was so stressful that I couldn’t speak. Our oldest son was screaming all the time when we ordered food. When we were waiting for food, while he was eating, he wasn’t screaming only when he’d consumed his pizza, fries, and coca cola. The “dopey” look on his face and the moments of peace were caused by an opioid reaction to gluten and dairy. I just didn’t know…And it got worse and worse each day.
The baby was in his stroller. My husband went to buy ice cream (again). It happened within 5 seconds. My hyperactive 3-year-old ran towards the pool, jumped in…and sank to the bottom of the pool. I was fully clothed in a summer dress, sunglasses, and shoes as I jumped in to try and save my child from dying…I don’t remember how I got up. But I remember everyone staring at us. And my fury because no one helped me.
Day 7: The horror episode.
I know that a near-death experience with my child probably would be considered a horror episode…but what happened the next day was way worse..
We were getting ready to onboard the bus that took tourists to the airport to go home. My husband was busy carrying the suitcases to the bus when suddenly he (and 20 other tourists) turned to stare at me as I ran towards the bus SCREAMING….”Where is MELVIN?????, WHERE IS HE?????). I realized where my baby was as my husband replied in disbelief: “You’re carrying him. He’s right there in your arms.”
That’s how stressed I was. That’s how we break down completely from autism overwhelm and utter fight/flight. I was under so much stress that adrenaline and cortisol had turned me into a head on a stick. A reptilian in a survival state.
I didn’t know who I was – where I was or who I was carrying.
Don’t let it kill you
And that, my dear…is the stress that kills you. We know from statistics that the lifespan of unrecovered autistic adults is short. They continue to put themselves into dangerous situations throughout life, and their health is poor.
No one seems to care about autism mothers even though you are the most important caregiver for your child AND the only person who can pull your child out of autism.
Since my son’s turnaround in 2008, we’ve had real vacations. Reading books, swimming, talking, eating at restaurants. returning home refreshed and recharged. I remember realizing we no longer had to monitor him closely because he’d stopped eloping. I remember the month when we realized that he’d stopped having tantrums. For good.
Team end autism?
I know that team “autism recovery” is losing to team “pride and acceptance” in today’s inclusion culture. But I am here to show you the after photos and tell you the truth: If we buy into the madness that outdated experts tell us about autism and try to “cope”, accept or be proud….These symptoms will worsen over time and destroy your health and wellbeing every summer in the future
Best links to get started
It took me 17 years (still learning) to understand the five messages behind autism symptoms every day. I have compiled the best links for beginners to get started HERE.
I hope you will use me as your sister/friend when you lose hope and want to hide and give up. That’s what I’m here for.